i am procrastinating procrastination

dont be alarmed if the universe begins to fold in on it self, but its because i have a govt paper due tomorrow and i  really dont want to do it. ive always hated home work. most of its busy work and doesnt teach you anything. honestly, in 10 years will it matter that i spent my time writing about a subject that im only taking because its a required basic that doesnt have anything to do with what i want to major in? probably not, but im still gonna try to do the paper because its something i have to do even though i dont want to. i think i might be growing up and i dont like it.

work and school consume my life.

i havent had a 40 hour work week since this summer. but i need the money so i cant really complain. would be nice to go out and do something fun. im starting to think its time for a vacation to somewhere warm and tropical.

anything worth trying is worth failing at.

im gonna give quitting cigarettes another go. about to go smoke my last one. really happy i got to see my grandpa today. i want to be like him, i just dont want to end up like him. talking to him really helps since we are both alike in so many ways. he never had much luck with the ladies either when it came to love. hes told me about all the women hes been through but he managed to find the perfect one late in his life. to bad i never got to meet her when i was little. she sounds like she was a really nice woman and im glad she gave my grandpa some happiness in his life. but as long as i have his good looks because i look exactly like him at my age right now, i shouldnt have a problem finding girls, finding the right one is the real challenge. and i hope i someday do so i can carry on the tradition of naming one of my children after their great grandpa.

his army picture from when he was a medic during the Korean War. 

there is no such thing as strangers, just friends you didnt know you had.

i just finished talking to people i dont know on the internet. when i was little i was always told not to talk to strangers, easy for me because ive always been so shy and had a hard time talking to anybody. but over the past year and a half ive been changing that, ive been forcing myself to go out to social events, to meet new people. ive been trying to expand my group of friends beyond my small circle. im good friends now with more people i went to high school with than i was when i was in high school. i even talk to the girl i had a crush on those 4 years. i found out that she had a crush on me then to. if i had only had the balls then to talk to her, highschool probably wouldnt have sucked so badly. and things might be getting better because she just broke up with her boyfriend. im just being cautious right now on making a move and asking her on a date because i dont want to be just a rebound for her to get back at him with. and i finally realized its time to move on from the last girl i was talking to. i talk to some of her friends and i know they dont really care for the guy she is with and they all tell me what a better guy i am than he is. if she cant see that, then she wasnt worth my time i wasted on her.

it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

what a load of bullshit. i wish i had never met her. shes the one i think about when i listen to all the sad songs ive been playing lately.

never shop while youre hungry.

just got back from wal-mart with my brother. spent $131 combined on food. should only last us a week. im just glad i dont live with my parents anymore, but still live close enough i can stop in and grab something to eat or else i couldnt afford to eat. its hard to live on $750 a month. $300 is car payment, $200 goes towards my rent. that leaves me with $250 for gas and food and other expenses and about $100 of that is just for gas. i can see why so many more people are living at home for longer than moving out on their own. i know so many people who are in their early to mid 20s still living at home while my parents were on their own when they were still in their teens. i didnt even move out until 2 months before i turned 21, and my mom has already invited me to move back in with them.

every now and then i watch this video

pale blue dot

this is one of the video's anybody can watch and understand the message. doesnt matter what belief you have, just watch this video.